Nine Years Without Her

Everyone who recalls Helen’s countenance would see a bright face with an expression of approval, always smiling and “happy to see you”. She was a beautiful human being throughout. She is best described by quotes from our children.

Henry Jr: Mom once advised me “Don’t sweat the small stuff…it’s all small stuff” I can do cancer standing on my head”
momdad50thChris: I recall something mom said on your fiftieth anniversary when our entire family flew to Hawaii. Sitting in front of our bungalow porch she said, ” Everywhere I look I see someone I love”.

Matt: On1stcommunion500 my First Communion, Mom told me that on her First Communion she felt so close to God that that it would be okay to die if that’s what God wanted.
Lenore: In her last year, we had many conversations which lead to my crying uncontrollably tears. Mom was holding me and talking. I could sense the smile in her voice. Everything about her exuded calm, love and happiness.
Mimi: If I had to pick out one word to describe my mom it would have to be “Luminescent”. Her smile really did “light up the room.” She was well-read, well informed and a sparkling conversationalist… add to that, a good listener. If you met her at a party and struck up a conversation with my Mom… well, you hit the jackpot. You were bound to have a wonderful evening because she was a delight to talk to.
Henry Sr: Helen’s TOP priorities were not to be measured by Academia. That was all dwarfed by her love of God, family, friends, life and learning. Mimi had written, after Helen died, “I think I was trying to unravel the mystery of what unique combination of genetics and environment came together to create this remarkably strong and loving personality? I’m coming up with a big bang theory that only happens once every 20 billion years.” She was tooo good to be true!
Patty: I remember after Dad and Mom moved into the apartment, sitting in the living room with Mom. I’ll never forget her taking my hands (like her little one) and telling me (in her beautiful soft voice), “Patty I’m not afraid of dying. But, I am afraid of missing you all”! I kissed her and told her Mom I’ve always been able to talk to you AND always will. You won’t miss us!! Mom’s always been there for us and always will!! Love you Mom!


Conversations with Mom

ltj2016cemeteryToday on the 9th anniversary of Her death, I went to the cemetery with the intent of planting myself next to Mom, for the entire day if need be, until she spoke to me. I keep trying to have conversations with her, silently, out loud and sometimes through tears, begging her to talk to me.

I thought how in Her last months, several times she said…  “you can ask me anything, tell me anything.” Funny how as much as she was such a wonderful conversationalist… some of the most memorable, poignant and touching things she said were but a few words. For example… after my third or fourth miscarriage she sent me flowers. The card simply said “There, there.”

Today was kinda like that.