One Year Later

I cannot allow this date to pass without a remembrance entry. 


 Lenore had  heard these words December 17 from Helen, and she knew this was true  because “her mom had said so.”  Now her dad says it too.

Today at 11:45am, I sat in her chair and remembered this…

Years ago, at St. Jude’s hospital the night before Mom was to have open heart surgery, I said something to her when I kissed her goodnight that I shouldn’t have said. It was true and I meant it, but still I shouldn’t have said it. I don’t think she answered me when I said “Don’t leave me, YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE ME.” Later I was ashamed of myself, what a selfish thing it was for me to say. Even though I felt that way, I thought it many many times again but I never said it out loud to her again. At least I don’t think I did.

Last summer, as I sat snuggled up on the couch with Mom, I found myself saying it over and over again in my head and I started to cry. Mom wanted to know what I was thinking about. At first I wasn’t going to tell her but then I thought it might be a good time to apologize for what I had said. I’m surprised she could even understand me, I barely got a few words out before I was crying so hard I could barely breathe.

Through my tears I told her how sorry I was for making her worry about me at a time like that. I told her it was the most selfish thing I’d ever done. I asked her if she remembered and if she would forgive me and you what she did? She laughed! Just kind of a soft laugh, but she laughed… and said “Oh Lenore, I’m never going to leave you.” And she meant it.

Isn’t it  interesting that Dad was thinking essentially the same thing today… It Never Ends.

For as long as it took me to write this memory, it was actually just one of so many things running through my head as I watched the DVD. I’ll share just one other, a question really. I was wondering if, in heaven, Mom’s gets to go back and actually be in some of those moments again, the ones that we long for as we watch them in movies or see them in photos… The times that feel like the happiest days of our lives and we had so many.


On October 15, 2007 I wrote a remembrance of Helen titled “Living A Life Of Love”. On October 17, 2007 Helen slipped quietly into God’s waiting arms. The last paragraph of my remembrance was:

When Helen passes on to be with God, I am absolutely sure He will welcome her with open arms. In Heaven she will find a continuing life of love where she will enjoy reuniting with those who have passed on before her and watching over all of us that remain on this earth living with her loving memory.

A year since her passing and I can say with absolute certainty that Helen has been watching over all those She loved and held dearly. During this first year without Helen, we have all experienced a world of emotions. So many times there have been moments when Helen has entered my thoughts or I have reflected on how Helen would have felt about or handled a situation. I have laughed aloud by myself when I do something that we used to laugh about together.

The person I believe She is watching over the most is Her beloved Henry. Her continuing Love from above has given him the strength to carry on. I believe Helen must be at peace knowing Henry has relocated close to several of his children (can’t help thinking that was her doing) and remains continually active with his business.

I pray for all those whose lives have been touched by Helen and who will be remembering her tomorrow with Love, Happiness and Joy at having been privileged to know Her.

With love and God’s Blessings,

Jan Marie